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Humor Me
Joseph G. Pietraszewski  

ARLINGTON, Va.—Recognizing that children as young as two-years-old might be performing reasonable actuarial work, albeit unknowingly, the CAS moved this week to require all children capable of signing their name to sign the CAS Code of Professional Conduct at the beginning of each school year or daycare term. The move comes just a few months after the CAS previously moved to require students taking Exams 3, 5-9, and F to sign a similar statement.

"At first, we thought that only students taking CAS exams were potentially performing reasonable actuarial work," said an anonymous member of the Candidate Liaison Committee, "but upon further investigation, it turns out that the work of just about anyone can be loosely interpreted to meet this broad definition from time to time."

Given the apparently increasing litigiousness of society (although to be fair, recent students of Exam 7 would quickly point out that one should really divide court cases into routine personal injury torts, high stakes personal injury cases, and mass latent injury suits before analyzing the promulgation rates of litigation), the CAS felt this additional step was necessary to further distance themselves from the occasional "actuarial rogue."

"Granted, the vast majority of children won't grow up to be actuaries," the member conceded, "but it's pretty difficult to tell before 2nd or 3rd grade who is destined for this line of work and it's just safer to have everyone sign. Plus, kids love to write their names! For the few who will eventually choose our noble profession, there's no telling how far back the courts will go to try to impugn the members of our Society and in turn, our profession as a whole."

Citing confidentiality rules, no member of the Actuarial Board for Counseling and Discipline was willing to go on record to comment on the irony of children potentially being subject to the ABCD even before they learn all of their ABCs. However, it should be noted that the suggestion was met with widespread maniacal laughter and a few mumblings about finally taking over the world.   


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